When you have taken sex off the menu it is a good idea to spend some time thinking about what you do enjoy, first of all alone, and then with a partner if you have one.
You might want to try some of these suggestions:
Think about your first sexual feelings when you were younger: What were they about? What kinds of things did you like doing or imagining? How do you feel about them now? What sexual thoughts, if any, come to you in idle moments? You might want to write them down somewhere private. Do you like erotic images or erotic stories? If so you can look at some of these that are available in books, magazines or online and think about which ones you find exciting. The author, Nancy Friday, has collected together people’s fantasies in books. A lot of people find it useful to read through these to see the range of different things that people find exciting and to see if any of them excite them.
Take some time alone by yourself, get yourself relaxed, perhaps by having a warm bath. Let yourself explore your own body with your hands, discovering what kinds of touching you enjoy and don’t enjoy.
Alone or with a partner write down every sexual activity you can possibly think of. Include anything however silly or unappealing it sounds. Then you can go through separately looking at each one and writing ‘yes’ ‘no’ or ‘maybe’ to the question of whether you would like to try doing that activity. You don’t have to share that list with anybody else unless you feel comfortable doing so, but it gives you a good idea about your sexual menu. Remember though that this may well change over time as you try things.
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